oof…

One of my friends that is very near and dear to me pinned this on pinterest the other day.  I’m going to tell you, at the risk of sounding like an emotional wreck, when i read it i nearly started crying.

I have been raised loving all things creative.  When I was a kid I would beg my mom to take me to michaels and we would walk down the crafty isles and i would pick something to make.  Drawing, painting, building, ANYTHING you could make…i wanted to make it.  I do believe there is still an unfinished GIGANTIC cat latch hooking project somewhere in my dads house.  I never really got into latch hooking…but…i tried!

Along with my love for all things crafty, I also have a really terrible habit of being paralyzingly afraid. Afraid of failure, of looking stupid, or even…wondering if people were lying about something being well done just to make me feel better.  I remember going through a phase when I was in high school.  A lot of people dont know, but I sing.  I dont like to say im a singer, because i feel like a lot of people say that (and most of them arent).  But, for a large portion of my life…people knew i sang.  I grew up in choir and I had solos and what not, but i distinctly remember sitting alone and thinking “what if im not actually good?  what if all this time people have just been telling me that because they felt bad and didnt want to tell me i was terrible?”  These insecurities honestly seep through my entire life. I actually had one person tell me…to my face… “no one really likes you, they just pretend to because they feel bad for you.”  1.  WHO SAYS THAT? and 2. ouch. Sadly i’ll never forget that and ill always kind of wonder if that person was right.

these little (or maybe big) insecurities have led me to do things like; paint a ton and hide the paintings in the back of a closet, write songs and keep the videos of me playing them hidden on our ipad, and the biggest one – having an amazing dream of making things for a living and just not trying.

I feel like this is going to be my anthem for this year.  This year i would like to try things as if i wasnt afraid.

The dear friend that posted that pin is actually my little biz partner.  We’re plotting the launch of our own blog/shop/business this year.  Having Penny set us back a smidge but now that things are getting  a little bit more flexible with her buns we’re going to start getting serious about doing what we love.  If you want to follow that little journey you can over at THIS link.

I’m excited. and I’m going to try and be brave.