I feel like I’ve recovered enough from this experience to tell the tale.

About 2 months ago Brett and I decided it was time. Time to remove Tilly from our daughter cold turkey.  Tilly is her beloved pacifier that shes had since birth.  Its not just a pacifier.  It is THEE pacifier.  There is literally no other one in her life…she refused all of them…except…Tilly.  What an unusual name for a paci, you say.  Well, it started as a Wub-a-nub with a catapillar on the end.  Brett and I called it a capatiller, and then it just became Tilly.  Enough about the history of Tilly, lets get to where I failed as a parent shall we.

This pacifier was not only a friend to Penny, but to us as well.  We had the kind of bed time routine parents longed for.  We’d grab our baby girl, stick Tilly in her mouth, drop her in her crib, say “i love you.”, and walk out the door.  Within minutes she was out, and sleeping most nights from 630pm – 7am.  We were living the dream.

Then…it all changed.

“Cold turkey is the best way!” they said.  “It will only take 3 days” said another. “We took Johnnys away and he didnt even notice!”.

Those parents definitely did not have children like Penny.  Eff those parents.

It was hell. For an entire month. And it did not show signs of slowing down.  If anything, it got worse.  We thought a big girl bed may help, but really it just made her screams louder, due to the fact she could scream right at her door.  Accompanied by fists of fury and yells of “Mommy! Daddy! Tilly! NOOOOOOOO!”  I actually went to our neighbors house one day, because the screams were so intense, and I wanted to make sure they knew my daughter was safe and being checked on regularly.  I was really concerned that people would start to wonder what was going on over here.

One night at 2am I looked at my daughter who had tears streaming down her face and asked “Penny, do you want to be a big girl?” and she replied through sobs, “…no”.  My heart broke.  So back to the crib we went and a week later the Tilly was returned.  We gave it to her and she slept an entire night.  After caving in, I walked into our room and laid on our bed and began to cry.  I felt like a failure.  I felt like a terrible mother who had just committed the ultimate sin.  Letting your child win.  Against all of the advice of “Keep going! Dont give up, it will get better!”, I caved.

To add insult to injury, after returning Tilly the sleepless nights continued.  She didn’t go back to her usual self.  I felt like we broke her and things would never be the same again.  That is until I learned about the dreaded “2 year sleep regression”.  It exists.  There are many forums on the interwebs discussing how much of a pain in the ass it is.  I’m pretty sure we timed the pacifier removal during a growth spurt/teething/sleep regression trifecta.  Way to go Lemsters.  Dont worry, this story ends well.

I’m happy to report that, FINALLY, this last week Penny is back to 12 hour night sleeps and 2 hour naps.  We’ve gotten back on track and have a new bed time routine, filled with bath time fun and books (like all you normal people do).  She still has Tilly for night night time and gladly hands it over the second she is awake.  I’m sure we’ll attempt a removal again sometime, but maybe not too soon.  Honestly, I think that Penny is fine.  Brett and I, however, are slightly traumatized.

So why did I feel compelled to share this with people?  If anything I just hope that this is proof that not every kid is the same.  It’s so easy to get into the comparison game, and feel like if it doesn’t look like what “so and so” did, then you arent doing it right.  If your kid is taking a month to get rid of their paci and its that supposedly should take “3 days”, it’s okay.  You most definitely are not alone.  And if you caved and gave in so that you could get that sweet illusive beauty, sleep, that’s okay too.  Sometimes it’s just not the right time, and you can try again later.  Take a break, regroup, and get back to it.   We’re all learning.  We’re all figuring this mess out.  And no one has the same story.  How boring would that be?

By the way, I have every intention of tallying up the nights of restless sleep and returning the favor when Pennys a teenager wants to sleep in on the weekend.  Just you wait little one.  Revenge will be mine!