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fitness journey

What a feisty little biz it is.  I had issues with my body before Penny, and like I had already anticipated, they worsened through pregnancy and are at an ultimate high as a mother.  I am still, STILL, 10-15 pounds over my pre pregnancy weight, and still 20 pounds over my goal.  It’s frustrating.  I’m still planning to work really hard and get there, but I get derailed a lot.  That’s okay.  That’s life.  I’ll keep going.

What I’m really getting at here is though I feel “huge”, I am not as “ginormous” as I believe that I am.  Post pregnancy has brought on this absurd fear that I weigh 1,000 pounds and look disgusting all the live long day.  I don’t weigh 1,000 pounds.  I weigh 150…which may feel like death to me, but I’m not obese.   The way I see myself has caused me to fear shopping and when I do I see something I like, I pick it up in a Large or Extra Large.  Or like the biggest sack dress I can find.  I try these things on, immediately hate myself for it, and then go home with my head hanging low.  You guys.  I am not a size Large (also, there is nothing wrong with these sizes, I’m just painting you a picture of my personal struggle, right now).  I’m probably about a size or maybe a little more away from what I was before.  That’s not a big difference!  A size up is not that bad.

Yesterday, I made a Target run with my husband.  We needed super glue, so naturally I spent about an hour in the clothing section.  I decided a different approach this time.  I picked up the things I liked in Mediums, it seemed like a nice neutral place to start.  I tried them on, and you know what…they were too big!  And instead of thinking that I was a frump, I went back and grabbed a size smaller, tried it on and something magical happened.  I felt good.  I walked out of the dressing room excited and threw 3 new items in the cart with a smile on my face.  The hubs was encouraged by this I’m sure.  He never knows what he will have to work with when I come out of that mirrored room returning an arm full of items to the nice lady who hangs that mess back up.

I guess the point of this post, is that our minds are some serious jerks sometimes.  Body changes are hard, and body image is a tough one to battle, but dont be afraid.  Try on something that fits and work that shiz!  Am I where I want to be?  No.  But I am closer to my goals than I think, and wearing a sac everyday will not help myself see that.  Also keep in mind where your shopping.  I may have been able to rock a Target small, but a Forever21 small is a different story…when I can fit back into that crap I’ll know I’ve reached my goal.  For now… I will enjoy the little victories and eat my salad for lunch and see what happens!  For now I’ll keep trying to make healthier choices because it’s good for me, not because I want to be “skinny” again.

For now I wont hide behind the fear that I look different than I used to and I’ll have confidence in the things that fit me.  On to the next one!

Its not anything new that I have been trying desperately to get back to my pre penny weight of 140.  In all honestly 140 was heavy for me, but I had gained 5-10 lbs right before we got pregnant and was actually in the midst of running my buns off to get back in shape.  Then bam!  That stick showed us two pink lines and i ate ALL THE THINGS!  This led me to a whopping 210 at the day of delivery.  EESH.

I have managed to get to 153 on a good day just by eating better, but that damn scale.  It will NOT move.  I have been running every day for 3 weeks now (with the exception of when i got sick and had to take a few days off).  After 3 weeks of running and some turbo kick classes i am STILL 153.  That is insanely frustrating to me.  Even though…i feel better, i can feel myself leaning out, and things are starting to fit just a little bit better day by day.

This is usually where I throw in the towel.  “Nothings happening!” “I’m working my but off and I’m STILL over weight” (these are my inner thoughts).  Usually when this happens, i give up and binge eat all things unhealthy and lay on the couch for a week straight saying terrible things to myself about how i suck and ill never be the same again.

Stupid scale!  Get out of my head.

So…instead of giving up…i took a picture of myself.  One of those really unflattering kinds where you just worked out and you look terrible in your sports bra and yoga pants.  I compared today (7 months post penny) and an equally unflattering photo of when i was 3 months post penny and this is what it looked like.

fitness7mos

There has totally been major progress.  I may not be the weight that I want, but I look WAY better than i did 4 months ago.  It honestly takes a lot of guts for me to post photos like this because…well…its embarrassing.  BUT, I want other mamas to know that it is TOTALLY possible.  Just keep going and do not get caught up in the lies that that piece of crap tells you (the scale).  Don’t believe that your work outs aren’t doing anything.  Take photos…they are better at telling you whats really going on.  Take notice to how your jeans are a little bit baggier than normal.  Its working.  Keep it up!  Lets do this mamas!

week1

The results are in!

Last Monday I started the 17 day diet.  it came highly recommended by my mom who was a body builder, nutritional counselor, and still one mean personal trainer.  so I trusted that it wasn’t a crash diet or something that would starve me like crazy.

well…one week down and I have already lost 6lbs.  I was 159 yesterday but that’s okay.  6lbs in a week is pretty dang good!  basically the first 17 days you have to cut out all carbs, starches, dairy, legumes and sugars.  which sounds like a lot.  basically im eating protein and veggies.  we even went out on a date and at dinner I stuck to the meal plan : ).  a few times I had to make meals a head of time and take them with me to events.  which was not so convenient, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

the first week is down and I did pretty well…but I have to admit im starting to really crave foods.  last night around 9pm I almost made myself a giant quesadilla about 30 times before deciding to just call it a day and go to bed.

the next round I get to add in some foods and I get to work out more, so im pretty excited for that to start.  but this is definitely the kind of jumpstart I needed.

there is a full on menu in the book that you can follow, but I honestly don’t have time for that.  its hard enough to grill chicken in between pennys shinanigans, so I pretty much just follow this model that they provide.

Every morning wake up with a cup of hot water with a half a lemon.

Breakfast:  1 serving of a probiotic or protein and 1 serving of fruit

Snack:  1 serving of fruit

Lunch:  1 serving probiotic or protein and endless veggies

Snack: 1 probiotic serving

Dinner: 1 serving protein and endless veggies

this system is working pretty well for me.  its hard, but you see results so fast its almost kind of fun.  I did weigh myself everyday last week which was a little obsessive.  so this week im going to try and focus on taking a lot of walks along with eating well…and ill try no, the  to weigh in until next Monday.

I know the closer I get to my goal weight the harder it will be to get weight off but im motivated and up for the challenge! : )

6 lbs down. 20 more to go. eesh.

I can do it.  I can do it.

desperate times call for desperate measures.

ohhhhh pregnancy weight…why must you torture me so.  better yet.  cheeseburgers why do I love you so damn much?  I know why.  because you are ridiculously delicious.

in order to get our foods in gear we decided to do a little soup fast.  nothing super drastic.  just home made soup and as little bread as possible.  we are a fast food family.  not only because we freakin love double decker tacos, but because we’re our lives are pretty busy.  but now that im at home all dang day im trying to make an effort to cook all our meals at home.

we went grocery shopping and loaded up on chicken breasts, veggies, and soup fixins and set our eyes on the prize.  this grocery shopping trip came right after I had a melt down and cried at my husband for a number of minutes.  telling him that he sucks cuz having penny didn’t make him fat.  not my finest moment.

Since our  little soup excursion ive lost about 3 pounds.  Its amazing what eating vegetables can do!  whod-a-thunk.

when it comes to the kitchen im not what you would call…skilled.  I mean im sort of afraid of my crock pot.  I don’t trust appliances where you can leave them on all day and things are suddenly cooked.  its unnerving.  I don’t trust it.    But its been fun trying new things.

If you want some hot tastey goodness of your own.  Heres the first recipe we tried.  It was pretty damn delicious if I say so myself : )

SPICEY TACO BEAN SOUP

1 large onion

1 packet taco seasoning

1 can corn drained

15 oz chicken broth

1 can black beans washed and drained

1 can great northern beans washed and drained

1 can refried beans

1 can spicy diced tomatoes

1 can diced tomatoes

dice onion in 1 tbsp olive oil, add remaining ingredients, simmer for 15-20 minutes.  serve with sour cream, cheese and tortilla chips

sidenote:  brett and I were able to live off of this for 4 days or so…it was pretty awesome.

yeah…that hasnt really been happening.

to be honest its been quite the frustrating journey thus far.  I was super motivated but my weight has been at a stand still for the last 3 weeks.  Its been really discouraging, but I know that I need to cut myself some slack.  Its easy to feel like we had Penny FOREVER ago…but its only been 2 months.  This is going to be a slow moving thing.  My friend Sabrina put it into perspective when she said “it took 9 months to put the weight on, give yourself that amount of time to get it off”.  shes a wise woman.

so the hubs and I are trying a new approach.  we started doing insanity on Monday.  if you have ever tried this work out…it is ridiculously hard.  its a 60 day beating to be more accurate.  brett and I got through the first month before penny was born and lost ridiculous amounts of weight.  I think my favorite part about the work outs is that there are fit tests that show your improvement.  last time we went through it my fit test doubled each time we took it.  I like being able to track the progress.  plus its kind of an oddly fun family activity.  we do it in our living room and penny watches us from her boppy.  sometimes we’ll do the moves at her and she thinks its hilarious!

im severely sore and am crazy tired, but I like knowing that my muscles are working hard.  I haven’t seen any progress on the scale yet this week, but i’m feeling good.  we’ll see where this takes us.  the journey to pre prego weight is going to be a tough one but its gonna happen!

famrun

well the first run has occurred.  it was brutal.  there are things that I have now that I didn’t before…im just gonna say it…boobs.  how do you ladies run with boobs…man that was tough.  I felt like my arms and legs had forgotten what running was. the first few steps were so incredibly akward, but I finally got in a good enough groove to successfully run a HALF MILE.  WHAT?!  this was kind of a sad day and I walked around the remainder of the block with my incredibly encouraging husband feeling super discouraged.

I just need to remind myself that I haven’t ran since January.  and its okay to not be a long distance runner right away.  if I have to walk…walk.  no shame…just work through it.

at least we got to test out our super cute new shoes : ).  we felt a little nerdy running side by side in our neon kicks…but it was fun to get out as a fam and embark on this fitnass journey together. (I meant to type fitnass…it makes me feel more…gangsta?)

anywho…the stats are disappointing…same as last week…but…were going for it still and that is good!

Weigh In:  165.4

Pounds Lost: 2

Pounds to go till pre-baby weight:  25

Pounds to ultimate goal:  45

there was a day last week where I weighed 161 and that was super exciting but it rose back up towards the end of the week.  honestly the weight goes back and forth but the clothes are starting to fit better.  the weight dropping on the scale isn’t nearly as important as how I feel in what im wearing.

its going to be a long journey…but every day gets better and better.  don’t let the numbers get you down ladies…just keep on keepin on : )

yes yes yes here we go! (just a little nod to my fellow nsync fans out there)

Let me tell you a little story…about how this weight conscious lady lost her damn mind and gained a TON of weight during her pregnancy.  Let me tell you about how that lady…is me.  GASP!

You guys…I’m gonna get real with you.  I started my pregnancy at 140 and I ended it at a whopping (are you ready for this?) 210.  I know…its incredibly shocking.  I gained 70lbs.  To be fair…most of this was water weight.  I know people blame weight gain on water a lot (“ugh…im totally retaining water!”) …but its true.  The week after I had Penny I lost 40 pounds.  FORTY…IN A WEEK.  I started swelling the second I got pregnant and by the end I was just a puffy shell of the woman I once was.

So…here I am…post pregnancy with some pretty high goals.  I may have lost 40 pounds but I am still a good solid 30 overweight.  I would love to get down to my pre prego weight…but I think I may shoot even higher and try and get down to a weight I haven’t seen since I was maybe a senior in high school.  I’m determined to look better than I did before my dear husband knocked me up.  Brett and I have been talking about running and training our way up to a marathon…maybe in the next year or two…but that’s a long term goal for sure.

My six week check up is on Thursday and i’m praying to get the green light to start running again.  In the mean time I’m going to kick this week off with getting my foods under control.  That means…no more bleu cheese burgers from the dog haus (im sorry dog haus…I love you, but we just cant do this anymore).  I thought it might be fun to document this brutal journey that is ahead of me.  And bonus…its sort of my way of keeping myself on track.  So hence forth Mondays will be a day of fitness recapping.  I’ll try and think of some sort of catchy title like “Monday Milestones” or something of that nature.

Lets get this going shall we…I’ll start with sharing the stats.  Starting with a weigh in, the short term goal and the long term goal 🙂 Im excited…I have my food journal all prepped and ready to go!  Heres the numbers!

Monday Weight in:  167.7

Pounds to go till pre-baby weight:  27

Pounds to ultimate goal:  47

If any mamas wanna join me that would be SO fun!  Lets encourage each other in our fitness goals…big…and small!  We got this ladies!

 

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