Just me.

Me and my self loathing.

Today was hard.  It was pretty rainy so we were stuck inside all day.  Plus Penny has a little cold, and well…I was lame.  I woke up knowing it was going to be a tough one.  I didn’t feel like doing any of it.  ANY of it.

I half assed my work out.  I ate all the carb items in my house, even though I’ve been killing the low carb game.  I laid on the floor trying to get penny to   “snuggle snuggle” while we watched Tinkerbell.  I tried to coax her into playing in her room alone, but that didn’t work.  I tried to do the dishes, but a GIANT spider climbed out of the drain, so that was over. Penny was whiney…I was useless.  It was a very bad day.

I wrote this little note on our chalk board the other day when I was super pumped on life and fitness and all the things!  And there it was…mocking me.  All day.  YOU keep going 2 day ago Katie…I’m going to see how many things I can do while laying down.

Brett came home for lunch and that gave me excitement for about 2 whole seconds, before remembering that I was exhausted and a bummer, so I finished that hour sitting on the floor zoning out and thinking about how dumb this day was and how many hours I had till bed time.

There isn’t really a huge point to this post, other than to say,  today wasnt so good.  That’s okay.  To quote one of our favorite movies…”They arent all diamonds”.  Today was hard.  I love my family, Penny is amazing, my husband is hot like fire.  I was lame today.  I want so badly for everything to be perfect.  To always have a clean home, yummy dinners, a fit bod, and a sun shiney toddler.  That is not reality 24/7, but I can try.  And if every now and then I have a day where I’m sort of the worst…well…we’ll get through it and I won’t be proud of it.  Then we move on.

We’ll try to be better tomorrow.

I better eat this ice cream before we do that.

Good night.

This week has been AMAZING!  But, oh lordy, am I tired.

I may have shared this in the past, but I am PAINFULLY introverted.  There is a reason I have known all of my friends for about 15 years or so…because making new ones makes me want to curl in the fetal and cry. Basically…”I DONT WANNA!”.

Before we moved, people kept encouraging me, and saying things like “Don’t worry, you’ll make new friends”.  To which I replied…”I already have friends.”.

I am proud to report that I have hung out with a different lady every day this week!  I hung out with my mom friends I met at the park (the ones I hit on last week).  They are awesome!  I went to a play group with my ever so lovely cousin April, who has proved to be an amazing support to me thus far in the move.  She’s incredible.  I went to a ladies bible study (with free child care…woot!).  And today I even texted one of my new friends (on my own!) and we spent some time at the park.

It’s so incredibly hard to do these things, and I feel like I am being stretched as a person in a way I have never thought possible.  To be honest, I feel like I owe it to Penny.  She is getting so big and she is learning SO much.  Cooping her up inside to watch Daniel Tiger all day sounds fun to me, but I know she gets antsy.  She’s so much happier when I let her run her face off and I honestly am a better mama when I’ve gone outside and talked to other humans my age.

PLUS!  She is napping like a champ now.  We have successfully moved her to 1 nap…and its usually about 2-3 hours long.  Praise Him!

This little picture I posted of Pen and Brett was from the other night.  Brett and I are trying to go on a long walk when he gets home from work every night.  It gets me and Pen outside again, and it allows Brett and I to just talk about the day and have us time.  It’s so easy to just zone out on TV and our phones, so it’s a good way to get all our talks in before the FRIENDS marathon and bed time ensues.

Before we hit the trail we let the little one walk on her own, because she loves it.  There are all of these beautiful Jasmine trees here with white blossoms.  A cool breeze hit and the flowers fell to the ground like snow and Penny ran through them as the sun set.  It was one of those moments where you actually see everything and you soak it all in.  And in that moment, everything is perfect.  I’m thankful for those moments and I hope I continue to take the time to watch them happen.

As for this weekend we have some fun stuff with the fam planned and I’m counting down the hours until Brett gets home (always.).  Happy Friday my friends!  I hope yours is an epic one!

Yesterday the old man and I celebrated 3 years of marriage.  We are so wise and know all the things by now.  Not really.  I actually feel like the older I get, the less I know.  Maybe thats just me.

What I do know is that we are a simple pair.  We love each other, we love our daughter, and we love the small things.  Pizza in bed.  Movie nights.  Cookies. Taco Bell.  With the powers of social media, I feel like I get caught up in a lot of “we should be doing things”  “we should go on trips”  “ADVENTURE FOREVER!”.  The truth is.  We are busy.  We have a very small budget, and a baby girl, and jobs, and family, and life.  As much as I would love to get outta town for a week with mah dude…we dont always have the funds, or the sitter, or the time…really.  So as I sit on my couch watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S for the bajillionth time and scroll through my instagram feed of all my beautiful friends vacationing or people I dont know with my dream jobs eating off of their hand made rustic table feeding their perfectly dressed child food from their rooftop garden…its hard to feel like this little life I have is special.

Well…it is.  Yesterday we celebrated our anniversary in true Lemster fashion.  Low key.  We started the day with a trip down to Winchell’s and ate us some donuts.  Penny got to try her first ever, as a sort of tester run for her birthday on Saturday.  We thought a donut would be a good first birthday treat.  We went to the mall and got some birthday gear and then took her buns to grandmas.  We ate salads and a boat load of chips and salsa at our favorite restaurant in claremont and then wandered around town.  We ended up in Rhino and decided to add to our little record collection.  Its so fun marrying someone with different music tastes.  It makes our music so much more well rounded and when we find music that we are both fans of its like the perfect cherry on top.  We’ve decided to start working on our Jackson family collection which is something we both agreed needed to be done.  I will always love me some Michael, but I do have to say one of the things on my list of dream jobs as a 10 year old was Janet Jackson back up dancer.  I’m not ashamed to say that dream is still alive and kickin.

I wish I had more photos of our day, but I was actually enjoying it too much to think about it.  We sat and talked while we ate about the last three years and what our future holds.  Where we would like to be and what we would be doing.  It’s nice to get out of the house and to sit across from the spouse of yours and just talk about everything you want to talk about.  Thats one of my favorite thing about mine and bretts relationship.  From day one conversation over meals has been one of our strong points.  We are simple people, but our hearts are pretty extravagant, and I love to hear from his often.  So.  In a nut shell.  I didnt have to fly to bora bora to have the best anniversary ever.  We just drove 20 minutes and spent a day holding hands and eating good food.  I’m okay with that.

Happy 3 years honey bear.  You are sorta my favorite.

1.  Mama/Penny outfit coordination.

2. Ice cold brew-ha-has before bed to beat the heat.

3. Park days, stretched on a blanket under a cool tree while Penny toddles hither and thether.

4. Breakfast with the mom side of the fam bam.  penny ate her first pancake like a champ and shared some of the crumbs with grandma.

We topped the weekend with a BBQ and a swim at the dads.  It was a good weekend.  Not entirely too restful due to the ever moving Penelope Joy, but fun.  Hope you all had a great day off from laboring!  Back to it today.  Merp.

Today I started eating healthy…again.  WOMP WOMP.  This fitness journey of mine is coming up on a year and will most likely continue…fooorrrrever.

That really is the whole point right?  To live healthy?  Sometimes I’m pretty blinded by the word “skinny”.  That’s an understatement.  I’m pretty obsessed with the word “skinny”.  I’m working on it.  Along with my journey to physical health I thought it was time for some serious spiritual health as well.  I don’t talk about it often on the blog, but to those who know me personally they know that I’m one of those Jesus lovers.  It’s actually a pretty big part of my life…or well…it used to be.  I hate to blame it on Penny, because that’s not very fair.  Through pregnancy and well into mother hood, Ive sort of lost myself.  The physical changes are obvious, but the heart is a little bit more sneaky.  I realize that I don’t talk about my faith often.  There’s a reason for that.  I don’t like to talk about things that I’m not invested in whole heartedly.  I still go to church every Sunday, and pray with my husband, but I’ve been feeling super disconnected.  I’m not saying that I have stopped believing in anything, I’m saying that I’m not going to run around quoting scripture to someone, when I’m not even reading the word.  You cant do things for Jesus with out Jesus.  Or, at least…its not a very good idea. 

Before this morning, I honestly couldnt tell you when the last time I sat and read my bible was.  Which is incredibly sad, but honest.  Penny has started waking up around 7 or later, so this morning I started waking up at 6am…for me.  My little alarm says “you need Jesus!!!” and that’s pretty hard to argue with in the morning.  So I bundled up (yeah…bundled…it was awesomely chilly this morning) grabbed some breakfast, and hot lemon water and sat on the patio for an hour.  Reading, journaling, quiet.  The introverts dream.  

There were no insane revelations had, or any sort of breakthrough in some struggles I’ve got.  But…it was good.  Brett and I have gotten really good at making sure we put time aside to be with each other.  Date nights are a flowin!  I think its just as important, however, to make sure to put time aside for ourselves.  Yes I am a parent, and a wife, but I’m also Katie.  I need time with my ladies, he needs time with his dudes…and I think more for me…i need me some quiet alone time.  Brett always offers a night up for me to go out with a friend, which i love…but i need solitude more than anything.  The more we find out how to balance all of this time.  The more we take the time to love each other, and ourselves.  I find…the better we love each other and our little one.  Whodathunkit?!

Hopefully I’ll top tonight off with a run, but no matter what, I know what I’ll be doing tomorrow morning at 6am.