I havent done one of these in a while, but let me tell you i have some doosys.

• my husband was leaving for work at 430am, so naturally i woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep.  with my eyes closed i reached for my phone, then reached for my glasses.  it should be told that my glasses are not prescription free hipster fresh,  i am nearly blind…so the glasses are essential in order for me to check my phone…even for the time.  so i grab my glasses, put them on, and open my eyes.  it was like i hadn’t opened my eyes at all!  it was pitch black and i was confused and about to freak out (“OH MY GOD IM BLIND!”)  when i realized…these aren’t my glasses.  well they were mine, but they were definitely my sunglasses.   sleepy confusion for the win.

• an actual conversation i had with a woman who doesn’t know me at all:

Lady: “when are you do!?”

Me: “September 17th”

Lady: “oh reeeally!?! i thought you were due like…now!  you are the same size as a girl at my work who is due August 2nd, and man she is HUGE!”

Me: “nope…due in September”

(cue awkward moment where id like to say something offensive but smile weirdly and back away from said lady)

• dropped my keys while delivering a gift basket at work.  prayed that no one would come down the hall while i “gracefully”  got into sumo wrestler stance and struggle to pick them up for a few minutes.

• the plumber that we work with came into our office and asked when i was due.  then told me to “ask for the slow nipples” at the hospital, and proceeded to offer up breastfeeding advice.  thank you plumber man…that was totally not awkward at all.  especially because im totally mature and the word nipple doesn’t make me laugh like a jr higher…

• hormones.  you guys, this last weekend (though wonderful) i broke down and cried for like an hour.  and not like cute little single tear “im just emotional” crying.  like.  ugly cry face.  where your whole face is wet and its like your entire face is crying.  the kind where you cant breath…so you breathe in like 4 times and the let out a sniffly loud sigh.  oh man.  my poor husband.  hes a good man, but i dont even know what to do with myself.  i hear it gets worse post baby too.  stoked.

• thinking something in my head and remembering to say it out loud is a skill i no longer possess.

Example:

Me thinking: “man i really want an icy coffee beverage”

Barista:  “what can i get for you?”

Me:  “a decaf latte”

cue my major disappointment when a hot latte is handed to me and i can do nothing about it because i did not ask the nice coffee man to put ice in my drink.  sad.

• looked for my keys for a good 10 minutes this morning…found them in my underwear drawer

• i’ve developed what i lovingly refer to as “granny back”.  any time i sit for a little while or especially when i get up for my mid night pee session, i literally walk at a 90 degree angle. it looks and feels a bit like im miming the evolution of mankind.

• at my appointments i now ask the nurse not to tell me my weight and i turn around so i cant see it.  seriously at this point it just messes with my head.  if the doc isn’t concerned…neither am i.  what i dont know wont hurt me right?

• chicken. fingers.  its all i want.  all day. urrday.  chicken. fingers.

10 more weeks till baby girl!  hazzah!

• we have now ventured into the phase where penny loves to rest on my bladder, and occasionally she gives me a good kick to the hooha.  i know. it is as pleasant as it sounds.

• holy heart burn batman.  the last week every time i get into bed the heart burn rages! its kinda the worst.  hopefully this doesnt continue for the remainder of pennys stay in my belly.

• have i mentioned the swelling yet.  if i have. i think its worth mentioning again.  at the end of my work day i trudge home on what would appear to be elephant feet.  they balloon up like mad, more specifically the right one…i dunno whats wrong with that foot, but its got some issues.  i sit with my feet up on the back of the couch for about an hour to get those puppies back in shape.  but oy are they barkin these days.

• all of a sudden its like my stomach is up in my chest next to my heart.  i cannot eat like i was eating before (which is probably a good thing, because i am well over the “recommended weight gain”…25 to 35 pounds…ha!

• finally got that lower back pain everyones been talking about.  when i get up for my nightly bathroom sesh at 4am, i walk to the bathroom like a 90 year old woman, not really getting upright again until just before i smack back into our bed (as gracefully as i can)

• this bump now hits all things.  door knobs, the corner of the counter top, brett, pretty much anything in its path.  good thing our baby is in a protective bubble or i might be a little worried about it.

• bar chairs, stools, or higher seating places in general are really really hard to get in and out of.  i refuse to let it defeat me.

the adventures continue…

• say it with me now…weight. gain.  oof…tothemax.

• one of my co workers asked me how i was the other day and i manged to say “im doing well thanks” before silently crying at my desk for a few minutes. (hormones.)

• went for a walk up our street (maybe about a half mile) with my husband and our neighbors/best friends (who should expect there baby at any moment), woke up this morning super sore.

• nearly wrastled a co worker over the delivery of a box that was extremely light.  my fight to be able to carry things in the office remains a large one.

• my husband is now the put-er on-er and take-r off-er of my shoes (good man.)

• wheres my purse has now become a daily game that the mister and i play.   my ability to remember the things ive done right after i have done them is non existent.  phone.  keys. hair tie. mind.  they are all lost.  all the time.

let the good times keep on rollin’.