day 1

August 25, 2014

Today I started eating healthy…again. WOMP WOMP. This fitness journey of mine is coming up on a year and will most likely continue…fooorrrrever.

That really is the whole point right? To live healthy? Sometimes I’m pretty blinded by the word “skinny”. That’s an understatement. I’m pretty obsessed with the word “skinny”. I’m working on it. Along with my journey to physical health I thought it was time for some serious spiritual health as well. I don’t talk about it often on the blog, but to those who know me personally they know that I’m one of those Jesus lovers. It’s actually a pretty big part of my life…or well…it used to be. I hate to blame it on Penny, because that’s not very fair. Through pregnancy and well into mother hood, Ive sort of lost myself. The physical changes are obvious, but the heart is a little bit more sneaky. I realize that I don’t talk about my faith often. There’s a reason for that. I don’t like to talk about things that I’m not invested in whole heartedly. I still go to church every Sunday, and pray with my husband, but I’ve been feeling super disconnected. I’m not saying that I have stopped believing in anything, I’m saying that I’m not going to run around quoting scripture to someone, when I’m not even reading the word. You cant do things for Jesus with out Jesus. Or, at least…its not a very good idea.

Before this morning, I honestly couldnt tell you when the last time I sat and read my bible was. Which is incredibly sad, but honest. Penny has started waking up around 7 or later, so this morning I started waking up at 6am…for me. My little alarm says “you need Jesus!!!” and that’s pretty hard to argue with in the morning. So I bundled up (yeah…bundled…it was awesomely chilly this morning) grabbed some breakfast, and hot lemon water and sat on the patio for an hour. Reading, journaling, quiet. The introverts dream.

There were no insane revelations had, or any sort of breakthrough in some struggles I’ve got. But…it was good. Brett and I have gotten really good at making sure we put time aside to be with each other. Date nights are a flowin! I think its just as important, however, to make sure to put time aside for ourselves. Yes I am a parent, and a wife, but I’m also Katie. I need time with my ladies, he needs time with his dudes…and I think more for me…i need me some quiet alone time. Brett always offers a night up for me to go out with a friend, which i love…but i need solitude more than anything. The more we find out how to balance all of this time. The more we take the time to love each other, and ourselves. I find…the better we love each other and our little one. Whodathunkit?!

Hopefully I’ll top tonight off with a run, but no matter what, I know what I’ll be doing tomorrow morning at 6am.

[not so] baby penny

August 22, 2014

baby, life

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This lil squirt.

Prepping for her first birthday party has gone into full throttle and in the midst of cutting paper, and stringing whatever im stringing and gluing…i have these moments where i sit and think “how did we get here?”

I remember having her home for the first time and thinking…”WHAT ARE WE DOING?!?”. Everything was so new and foreign to us. And suddenly I blink…and all of those new things have become normal life. I no longer check the clock every two minutes and wonder if we need to feed her again or when she should nap. I remember this one particular night when we got her down to sleep around 7pm (which was a miracle) and she slept for about 4 hours (one of her first long stretches of sleep), giving us enough time to make dinner, eat said dinner, watch a movie and snuggle before the crying began again. I remember looking at Brett and saying…”one day she’ll have a bed time, and we’ll have nights together again…thats gonna be awesome!”. When everyone said “it gets better” i laughed at it…and said…”oh god…when?”. well…we’re here.

i know that new challenges are approaching. we have a very “strong willed” baby girl already and learning how to discipline will be a great parental adventure. but here. in this place. we are having so much fun!

Penny learns something new every day. shes started to say small little words like “BOW!” for dog (which is so cute it hurts) and “WHOA!” when we give her something to play with while we change her buns (which is one of those new adventures…why all of a sudden getting your buns cleaned is a dramatic event is beyond me.). whenever we say “yay”, she starts clapping and she holds her hands up for us to pick her up now (mom tear). shes walking EVERYWHERE and sometimes braves herself for a run that only lasts about 4 steps before nearly face planting. shes hilarious. and everyday i look at her and can see the baby-ness shedding off of her. shes becoming this little girl and although its exciting and so fun to watch her grow. i miss that tiny little baby that would lay in her boppy on the couch for hours. even with the crying. some days i miss that tiny little baby learning to smile.

not enough to try and have another one! dont get it twisted. we’ll wait a while. but as im preparing to celebrate my daughter turning one and venturing into toddlerdom…i have to remind myself to sit and savor it. be aware of everything. the way she runs away when we chase her and squeels when we tickler her. the way she giggles when we pull her out of her crib and how she lays her head on our chest when shes super exhausted. her little tiny wave that makes strangers smile. smelling the last tiny bits of baby smell from her fuzzy little hair.

i dont want to miss a thing.

8,9,10,11…(im just gonna keep on counting baby…tiiill your mine)…

August 14, 2014

letters from M

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If you don’t get that reference…I’m sad you never experience the great wonder that is Gloria Estefan!

So I’ve been missing from this space for quite some time. I realized looking through my monthly Penny photos that a whole ton of crap has happened in that 4 month gap of no blogging. Like the fact that I took Penny’s 8 month photo the day after she got back from a nights stay in the HOSPITAL.

My very first mothers day began with penny vomiting uncontrollably all day while simultaneously having raging diarrhea. These two lovely bodily functions landed us in the E.R. at 9pm where were greeted with a flood of people who clearly thought we were being hypochondriac, over protective, over reactive parents. We finally saw a doctor around 11p.m. Penny got an IV (which was the most traumatic thing Ive ever had to witness…and at 3am a nurse came in and checked her diaper (still bone dry…for the 2nd day in a row). They offered her a bottle of pedialite and she vomited on the doctor. Which im kind of thankful for, because i think they took us more seriously after that and we were admitted to the hospital at 3a.m.

She spent the night on fluids and was released the next day at around 5p.m. and we fed her formula and pedialite through a syringe for the next few days. It was awful. And she now has years ahead of her of me telling her that “she owes me big on mothers day, because my first one was the worst!”

that’s what these early years are for right…taking notes and keeping things set aside for the days when we can hold them over our children’s heads? no? maybe that’s just me.

So…with that dramatic #tbt…here are pennys last 4 months along with her note.

Little One,

My GOODNESS! What a ride these last 4 months have been. You. Are. Hilarious. You LOVE tinkerbell. Like…obsessed. You have a ton of tricks which include: putting your hands in the air when we say “haaaands UP!”, when we say “yay!!” you clap, you wave at everyone and everything! The other day we were having coffee together and a man got out of his car across the street. you waved at him and he laughed uncontrollably. you made his day. you make my day. when i come home from work everyday i am greeted with the craziest grin (which by the way has 4 new teeth coming in!). a few weeks ago you took your first steps and now you are walking EVERYWHERE. You are so big! You love henry the gorilla, and you love walking around with your tiger pal. you also love books. i have a minute and a half video of you “reading” to yourself. its sort of my favorite.

you say mama and dada and you cry every time one of us leaves. it makes us all sorts of sad, but also is kinda nice knowing that you like us as much as we like you : ).

you had your first overnighter at grandma cocos house. two whole days and nights away from us and you slept like a champ and had so much fun. our reunion was beautiful and mom and dad got some much needed rest : ).

i cant believe you are going to be 1 next month! a big party is in the planning stages and we’re so excited to celebrate you with all our favorite people!

we love you penny joy.

xoxo,

my dad is SIXTY.

May 9, 2014

life

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In my mind my dad is 45.

I think this is because that is the age I remember him being when I realized what his age was. So when I hear that he is 60…i shake my head and so…no no…you are 45. It’s a very strange thing your parents getting older. I’m not quite sure what to do with it.

Anywho…in traditional Richard behavior, what did my dad want for his birthday? He wanted to take all of his kids (and our kids) to the beach. This is classic dad. It’s a special day for him and he wants to do something nice with his family. So…his wife bought all of us a weekend stay in Laguna. SERIOUSLY!? So generous and SO fun.

I’ve mentioned this before, but the beach is a pretty huge part of my childhood. When i think back on the happiest times with my family, most moments are remembered beach side.

We kept talking about how when Toni married my dad he had 2 kids. Now we are 4 kids and 3 grand children! Its amazing what 10 years will do.

It was such a great way to celebrate my dad. Falling asleep to the sound of crashing waves aint so bad either. : )

Also…how sweet is this photo of Penny enjoying the view. There was this little step up area in front of the patio and she would crawl up on it and watch the waves. My heart just melted.

Easter Sunday.

May 7, 2014

life

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I cannot believe it has already been 3 weeks since Easter. This is good solid proof on how far behind I am on blogging. We had a fun little weekend this year which involved a beach trip to visit my mom and her fiance, church, and then a giant dinner at my dads. We of course had a blast putting penny in a ridiculously cute Easter dress with some gold glitter high tops. I don’t really dress her all too girly very often, so it was fun to see her in this poofy lil thing with a flower on her head. We think shes pretty cute. Heres a few instagram photos from Easter Sunday.

This last photo is one that is very special to me and it should be noted that we did not plan this AMAZING color coordination. I love my siblings, and niece and nephew so very much. And getting to watch my daughter grow up with my brothers children means more to me than anyone could ever know. It’s fitting that this was taken on Easter because in this one photo I see so much of the redemptive love of Jesus. He is so good. Always.

Oh hey, creativity!

May 6, 2014

Crafty, DIY

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I like to make things.

a lot.

I am sad to say that after having penny it takes me a WHOLE lot to muster up enough energy to make anything. I got ideas…so. many. ideas. but when penny is asleep and brett is out of the house, what I end up doing most is just sitting. and staring. you know how everyones big advice when having children is “sleep when they sleep”? in theory, that sounds great! but when she is sleeping I want to stay awake and enjoy the silence. I want to be aware that I have nothing to do. I want to feel the nothingness and soak it up so that when she is awake again im not like…dang…I slept through my rest!?!

anywho…ive been getting the urge lately. you know…that diy feelin.

so I made a michaels run with my dear friend faith and bought some canvases…one of which is a 40X60 BEAST that I have GREAT plans for. of which I only paid 40 bucks for because michaels was having an absurd 65% off canvas sale. WHAT!

so with my 2 other little canvases I decided to make a little simple something for our bedroom.

brett and I are kind of a mushy pair. we are definitely THAT couple that says “I love you” probably a little too much. one of my favorite things that we have been doing since we first started dating, is whenever we say good bye…he shouts out “YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!” and I reply “YOUR HANDSOME!” I’m quite fond of this little farewell, so I took literally like 10 minutes and made it into some bedside “art work”.

If you are curious at all, our headboard was made by my dad and was actually our back drop on our wedding day! I have SO many other home projects planned. At the rate I’m going I’ll most likely finish one project every 6 months or so. Hopefully my creative spurts will be more frequent than that.

this is real life.

May 5, 2014

baby, life

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I am not one of those moms that paints a very sun shiny picture of our life. most days our life is pretty awesome and i love my little family with all of my heart. but there are tough days. and I’ll tell ya about it. And I’ve noticed that in my moments of purest honesty about motherhood, the response is almost always a nod of the head and a “gurrrrrl…i know it” in return.

today was a day.

today was a day before it even hit 7am. we’ve been having a rough time with the penster and sleep. unfortunately there is some major construction going on to the apartment next to us. said construction begins at 7am and ends at 4pm, monday through saturday. this is making pennys naps pretty much non existent and is sending her in a spiral of the worlds worst sleep.

this morning she woke up at 5am and i FINALLY got her to sleep at 7am after some major protesting on her part…and at 7:04 the first hammer hammered. she was up. and pissed. and let me hear about it allllllll morning. she cried while i tried to rock her. she cried in her saucer. she cried while she crawled on the ground. she cried back in her crib. she cried in a quieter (but still not so quiet) part of our apartment that i thought might work for a nap. she cried with her pacifier IN HER MOUTH. she cried while i was trying to get ready for work and pack up her bottle for her hour at christys.

so i had an idea!

i know! ill pack her up in the car and drive alllll the way to the drive through coffee bean in the opposite direction of work. i have 2 hours till i have to be there. she’ll sleep in the car. and i will be rewarded for my genius-ness with an iced hazelnut latte.

she didnt sleep.

you know whats worse than being cried at at home? being cried at when stuck in traffic. in a car. helpless. the crying.

so i did what a lot of moms (and they’ve told me about it) do. i cried. i cried the whole drive into work. i got into christys apartment and i started crying in front of her.

she hugged me and said, “mother’s understanding hug”.

to be honest ive been on the verge of tears all day. if someone said “hi” to me right now i might tear up. luckily its a quiet day at work today. so tears in response to friendly greetings avoided thus far.

but man.

im tired.

and its days like today when penny has broken me down by crying at me for what feels like an eternity that i start to feel it. parenting is relentless. there is no time off. it is the most demanding job ever. it is beautiful and terrifying. it is pure joy and pure exhaustion. and i’m reminded everyday that i have no idea what im doing and all i can do is just hope im doing well enough. and my goodness…the things penny brings out of me. sometimes i feel like i just epically fail at being a mom.

and the craziest thing about all of this is…

after a disaster of a morning like this one. penny can glance at me with the smallest little smirk and the crap of a day suddenly pales in comparison to the love i feel for her. i mean…im still tired, and emotional, and today was really hard. but damn. i love that kid.

all of this really to say. if you are having one of those days. you know…like this one. you are doing great! not all days are perfect. no baby is perfect. and no mom is perfect. but today wont last forever and as long as we keep our eyes open for the “little smirks” we can make it : )

we’ll try again tomorrow.

: )

7 months.

April 14, 2014

baby, letters from M

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Penny,

I know that its a completely cliche thing to say to you but…you are growing up TOO fast. You started crawling last week and yesterday morning you woke up with a little tiny tooth poking through your gums. When I first discovered this I was so excited for you and then I got this rush of sadness. You will never have a gummy smile again. My heart sank a little bit and I realized that you will not be this small forever. I remember holding up your 6 month jams and saying “there is NO possible way she’ll fit in these!” and these very same jams are becoming a wee bit snug on you. How fast the time flies little one.

You. Crack. Me. Up. We have this game we like to play where I put one of your fabric crinkle books on your head. As soon as that thing perches perfectly on your dome you begin to chuckle. Which launches the book into your lap and then you laugh hysterically. We have done this for a good solid 45 minutes before it loses steam. But then the next day…its just as funny. I love it.

Your dad and I love playing some good quality rap music for you which usually accompanies a raging dance party. I’m happy to report that you love this just as much as we do and notorious b.i.g. is now on the list of your favorite tunes.

You have already changed so much and you are learning like CRAZY. I cannot wait to see what this next month brings.

You bring me such joy little one.

I love you so very much.

XOXO,

the scale is a dirty LIAR.

April 14, 2014

fitness journey

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Its not anything new that I have been trying desperately to get back to my pre penny weight of 140. In all honestly 140 was heavy for me, but I had gained 5-10 lbs right before we got pregnant and was actually in the midst of running my buns off to get back in shape. Then bam! That stick showed us two pink lines and i ate ALL THE THINGS! This led me to a whopping 210 at the day of delivery. EESH.

I have managed to get to 153 on a good day just by eating better, but that damn scale. It will NOT move. I have been running every day for 3 weeks now (with the exception of when i got sick and had to take a few days off). After 3 weeks of running and some turbo kick classes i am STILL 153. That is insanely frustrating to me. Even though…i feel better, i can feel myself leaning out, and things are starting to fit just a little bit better day by day.

This is usually where I throw in the towel. “Nothings happening!” “I’m working my but off and I’m STILL over weight” (these are my inner thoughts). Usually when this happens, i give up and binge eat all things unhealthy and lay on the couch for a week straight saying terrible things to myself about how i suck and ill never be the same again.

Stupid scale! Get out of my head.

So…instead of giving up…i took a picture of myself. One of those really unflattering kinds where you just worked out and you look terrible in your sports bra and yoga pants. I compared today (7 months post penny) and an equally unflattering photo of when i was 3 months post penny and this is what it looked like.

There has totally been major progress. I may not be the weight that I want, but I look WAY better than i did 4 months ago. It honestly takes a lot of guts for me to post photos like this because…well…its embarrassing. BUT, I want other mamas to know that it is TOTALLY possible. Just keep going and do not get caught up in the lies that that piece of crap tells you (the scale). Don’t believe that your work outs aren’t doing anything. Take photos…they are better at telling you whats really going on. Take notice to how your jeans are a little bit baggier than normal. Its working. Keep it up! Lets do this mamas!

a VERY special day…for me.

March 24, 2014

life

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I grew up going to the beach with my family…often. We’re beach people. I remember saying something to my mom about maybe wanting to have our wedding in the forest-y mountains, to which she gasped and replied…”the mountains?!? who are you?!? we are BEACH PEOPLE!”. It’s true. There are few places that hold such a huge sentimental place in my heart, and we got to take penny to some of them last weekend. It. Was. Amazing. Honestly Penny smiled and had a great time but she wont remember this day. I on the other hand will remember it fondly on one of my favorite days as pennys mom. I got to show her some of the things i loved most, and it was very special.

We started the day with a trip to Harbor House Cafe with some fam, and then scooted off to my favorite beach. there is this long stretch that you have to walk down to get to the ocean and it was very breezy. every time a gust would blow by penny would get the biggest smile on her face. then she saw the ocean, and i swear she lit up! her little excited face just blew my mind, and her cute lil two piece with her sunnies were RIdiculous. i loved seeing her little diaper buns in that little bikini. We also got to share the day with our best friends and their little one.

its so great having close friends to walk through this crazy journey called “parenthood”. plus it is SUPER fun watching penny and charlie grow together. AND we get to take cute pictures like THIS to embarrass them with when they’re older…

note the hand penny has on her friend. we’ve noticed that shes a pretty handsy little lady. she has a little paw on her friends in nearly all photos we have of her with another baby pal.

shes a lover.