One of my friends that is very near and dear to me pinned this on pinterest the other day.  I’m going to tell you, at the risk of sounding like an emotional wreck, when i read it i nearly started crying.

I have been raised loving all things creative.  When I was a kid I would beg my mom to take me to michaels and we would walk down the crafty isles and i would pick something to make.  Drawing, painting, building, ANYTHING you could make…i wanted to make it.  I do believe there is still an unfinished GIGANTIC cat latch hooking project somewhere in my dads house.  I never really got into latch hooking…but…i tried!

Along with my love for all things crafty, I also have a really terrible habit of being paralyzingly afraid. Afraid of failure, of looking stupid, or even…wondering if people were lying about something being well done just to make me feel better.  I remember going through a phase when I was in high school.  A lot of people dont know, but I sing.  I dont like to say im a singer, because i feel like a lot of people say that (and most of them arent).  But, for a large portion of my life…people knew i sang.  I grew up in choir and I had solos and what not, but i distinctly remember sitting alone and thinking “what if im not actually good?  what if all this time people have just been telling me that because they felt bad and didnt want to tell me i was terrible?”  These insecurities honestly seep through my entire life. I actually had one person tell me…to my face… “no one really likes you, they just pretend to because they feel bad for you.”  1.  WHO SAYS THAT? and 2. ouch. Sadly i’ll never forget that and ill always kind of wonder if that person was right.

these little (or maybe big) insecurities have led me to do things like; paint a ton and hide the paintings in the back of a closet, write songs and keep the videos of me playing them hidden on our ipad, and the biggest one – having an amazing dream of making things for a living and just not trying.

I feel like this is going to be my anthem for this year.  This year i would like to try things as if i wasnt afraid.

The dear friend that posted that pin is actually my little biz partner.  We’re plotting the launch of our own blog/shop/business this year.  Having Penny set us back a smidge but now that things are getting  a little bit more flexible with her buns we’re going to start getting serious about doing what we love.  If you want to follow that little journey you can over at THIS link.

I’m excited. and I’m going to try and be brave.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

You guys!  If you want super amazing of you and yours for any sort of reason.  You should totally look into KIM BOGARDUS photography.

She is not only one of my best friends and incredibly fun, beautiful, hilarious, and all around amazing, she has incredible skill and will make you look good!  seriously we’re a mess, she makes us look all sorts of put together : ).

Ever since I had Penny I’ve been having these weird relatable moments to my parents.  I heard this a million times…you never really understand your parents until you become one.  I mean I find myself saying things my mom said in the same tone, which I expected.  More than that, I see these old photographs of my mom and dad holding us as babies.  My mom was 22 when she had my brother…that is SIX years younger than me when I had Penny!  What the crap?  I think of myself at 22 and im like “oh dear Lord, thank god THAT girl didn’t have a kid!”.  My mom was 30 when she had me and im only 2 years away from that age.

My point is…brett and I are taking a billion family photos and sometimes I step back and think about how one day penny is going to look at them and be like “whoa! look how young mom and dad look!”  “Look at moms hair!”  “Dad was so funny!”.  We’re just a couple of young pups carrying around this baby girl.

Our parents were there too.  they were young pups, and then there it is this strange moment where I realize that my mom and dad weren’t always JUST mom and dad.  They were Teri and Richard and im probably right in saying that when we went to bed at night they were goofy and weird and themselves.  more than we will ever know.

I hung out with my mom today and she gave me something I have been lusting after for a good portion of my life.  she gave me a box of her old 45s from when she was a kid.  After we hung out I busted the box open and began to play through each LP.  I got through about 2 before I got a little weepy.  There was something about sitting and listening to these singles that my mom loved WAY before she ever knew me.  Then I realized I was bobbing my head in that sweet Motown groove the way my mom used to when I was a kid and a song came on that I distinctly remember her singing and i probably said something like “you made that song up” to which she replied “I did not, its a real song” and probably told me who sang it, but I thought my mom was too much of a nerd to listen.

knowing that these records meant something to my mom during her teenage years made me feel oddly connected to her…and I cant wait to share them with penny.  I wish I had something cool to hand down to her.  here penny, this is my iTunes username and password? and Ill probably have a much harder time convincing her that “mr. bombastic” was in fact a hit song when I was in jr. high.  sad.  things just aren’t as cool anymore.

all of that to say.  sometimes I get a glimpse behind the scenes and it makes me know my parents in a way that is special and new. and I like it.